Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
