At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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