Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
