I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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