Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
