No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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