i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
