I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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