You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
