Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
