Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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