and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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