I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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