I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
