I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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