I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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