You made me cry and you don't even care
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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