Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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