Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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