Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
