the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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