one two three fourrrrnication!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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