I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
