Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
