I want to make a zoo with you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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