I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
