my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
