capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
