"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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