He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
