Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
kristin has been a bad kristin
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
