How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
