i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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