I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
