I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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