Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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