Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize