He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
