I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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