hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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