Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
