Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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