I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
