apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
