The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
