What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
