grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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