Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
