I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
