I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
