just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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