That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
