Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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