so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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