So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
