drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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