and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
