So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
