Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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