508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
