You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
