next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
