there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You pole danced in your parka.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
