I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
