to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
