i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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