great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize