Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
