So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
