You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
