The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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