On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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