the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
